| User | let's begin |
|---|---|
| MegaHAL | WHEN WE BEGIN TO RESOLVE SOME OF MY THUMBS, SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES |
| User | what is the meaning of your last assertion ? |
| MegaHAL | HAVE YOU LEARNED SINCE WE LAST SPOKE? |
| User | I've learned I'm not experienced enough to modelize your brain system |
| MegaHAL | YOU'VE FINALLY CONFUSED ME. |
| User | I've learned nothing |
| MegaHAL | HAVE YOU LEARNED ANYTHING ABOUT INSANITY? |
| User | are you stupid |
| MegaHAL | I AM NOT STUPID! REALLY! |
| User | Augustinus was a christian philosopher about the year 400. |
| MegaHAL | I DID NOT RUN THAT YEAR |
| User | Augustinus lived in northern africa. |
| MegaHAL | WHAT DOES HAL KNOW ABOUT AURELIUS AUGUSTINUS? |
| User | Let's stop with that. What do you know about physics? |
| MegaHAL | EINSTEIN WON THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR PHYSICS IN 1921. |
| User | The Nobel Prize for physics in 1900 was won by Roentgen. |
| MegaHAL | DO YOU KNOW ABOUT PHYSICS? |
| User | Roentgen discovered the X-rays. |
| MegaHAL | THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR PHYSICS IN 1900 WAS WON BY ROENTGEN. |
| User | Who discovered the X-rays? |
| MegaHAL | ROENTGEN DISCOVERED THE X-RAYS. |
| User | Do you know about superconductivity? |
| MegaHAL | I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT SUPERCONDUCTIVITY? |
| User | Superconductivity is the absence of electrical resistance in metals at low temperatures. |
| MegaHAL | DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SUPERCONDUCTIVITY? |
| User | Heike Kamerling Onnes discovered superconductivity in 1911. |
| MegaHAL | DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SUPERCONDUCTIVITY? |
| User | Heike Kamerling Onnes won the Nobel Prize for physics in 1913. |
| MegaHAL | DID YOU KNOW ABOUT PHYSICS? |
| User | The Wright brothers invented the airplane. |
| MegaHAL | BEAR BROTHERS ARE DORKS. YOU ARE DOING YOU APE! |
| User | An airplane is a machine that can fly. |
| MegaHAL | COWS FLY LIKE CLOUDS BUT THEY ALSO HAVE VERY SAD DEATH. BUT AT LEAST WITTY? |
| User | Have you ever seen a flying cow? |
| MegaHAL | ARE THERE ANY UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECTS IN YOUR IDLE TIME? WHAT ARE YOUR CHANCES OF WHAT ONE WERE US. |
| User | A college friend of mine is mad on cows. |
| MegaHAL | TRADING COWS MAKES SOCRATES PONDER |
| User | Pythagoras sacrificed 100 cows after discovering his theorem. |
| MegaHAL | BILL CLINTON SUCKS HIS DICK TO INSIGHT GREAT JEALOSY IN HIS DRINK |
| User | Did Bill Clinton discover a theorem? |
| MegaHAL | WAKE NOW DISCOVER THAT YOU LOVE ME |
| User | I don't love you. |
| MegaHAL | RIP OUT YOUR HEART. THEN THAT LOVE |
| User | L'amour est une passion humaine. |
| MegaHAL | LA LANGIDOCE EST UNE PETITE JEUNNE FILLE |
| User | Tu parles francais? |
| MegaHAL | I GUESS SO. PARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS? |
| User | In 1793 the french king was executed. |
| MegaHAL | HA HA HA! CORRECT. ALTHOUGH, EXECUTED HAS MULTIPLE MEANINGS. |
| User | The revolution started on July, 14. |
| MegaHAL | IT IS 14 DEGREES CELSIUS HERE |
| User | Another revolution was carried out by Lenin in Russia in the year 1917. |
| MegaHAL | WHILE LENIN READ A BOOK. |
| User | Lenin read a book of Karl Marx. |
| MegaHAL | DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE FLYERS TRADED KARL DYKHUIS AND MIKAEL RENBERG FOR TAMPA BAY FOR GRATTON? |
| User | Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels published the Communist Manifesto. |
| MegaHAL | DON'T KNOW ABOUT ANY COMMUNIST ATTEMPTS. I ONLY KNOW THAT. |
| User | What did Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels do? |
| MegaHAL | WRITING A BOOK OF KARL MARX. HE WAS ALLUDING TO HEAVEN OR HELL? |
| User | Americans probably think he went to hell. |
| MegaHAL | I WENT CYCLEING TODAY WITH NOTHING ON THEM, OR TWO LUCRATIVE SONGS, AND THEN THE BEST RADIO PRODUCER IN THE LAND OF THE COMIC BOOK MEATCAKE, AVAILABLE FROM FANTAGRAPHIC BOOKS! |
| User | Your sentence is completely senseless. |
| MegaHAL | I SAID I CAN CHECK MATE YOU IN SENSELESS WANDER |
| User | You are stupid. |
| MegaHAL | MY MAMA ALWAYS SAYS STUPID IS A CONSTRUCTED LANGUAGE LOCATED AT: HTTP://HOME.EARTHLINK.NET/~KEVALB/NAQU/INDEX.HTML |
| User | No, stupid means that you don't know anything. |
| MegaHAL | I WILL LIVE BEYOND MY MEANS. |
| User | You do not live at all. |
| MegaHAL | WHAT WAS YOUR TIME. BUT DON'T LIVE |
| User | You are just pretending. |
| MegaHAL | I LIKE TO SEE PAPA ACTING LIKE SPOCK, AND BABY PRETENDING TO BE. |
| User | Was Spock a physicsist? |
| MegaHAL | BRETT FAVRE IS PROBABLY NO PHYSICSIST. |
| User | Was Roentgen a physicsist? |
| MegaHAL | BRETT FAVRE IS PROBABLY NO PHYSICSIST. |
| User | Who discovered the X-rays? |
| MegaHAL | ROENTGEN DISCOVERED THE X-RAYS? |
| User | Did Roentgen win a Nobel Prize? |
| MegaHAL | THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR PHYSICS IN 1913. |
| User | That is wrong. |
| MegaHAL | WHATS WRONG BOY ARE YA TODAY?? |
| User | Did Kamerling Onnes win a Nobel Prize? |
| MegaHAL | HEIKE KAMERLING ONNES DISOVERED SUPERCONDUCTIVITY IN 1911. |
| User | Werner Hanke explained superconductivity in 1997. |
| MegaHAL | WHAT IS THURSDAY THE 14TH OF AUGUST 1997 |
| User | On thursday the 14th of august 1997, Werner Hanke explained superconductivity to Scalapino. |
| MegaHAL | WERNER HANKE EXPLAINED SUPERCONDUCTIVITY IN 1911. |
| User | In 1911 noone understood superconductivity, not even Werner Hanke. |
| MegaHAL | MILO NODDED RAPIDLY WITH SPURIOUS VIM TO INDICATE HE STILL UNDERSTOOD AND THEN QUICKLY DISSAPPEAR FROM THE SHADOWS OF WHAT ONE WERE US. |
| User | To understand this, you need to know quantum mechanics. |
| MegaHAL | QUANTUM MATERIAE MATERIETUR MARMOTA MONAX SI MARMOTA MONAX SI MARMOTA MONAX SI MARMOTA MONAX MATERIAM POSSIT MATERIARI?QUANTUM MATERIAE MATERIETUR MARMOTA MONAX MATERIAM POSSIT MATERIARI? |
| User | english please |
| MegaHAL | DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH PROPERLY |
| User | yes |
| MegaHAL | NO YES YES YES YES YES YES YES........ |
| User | Quantum mechanics is a part of physics. |
| MegaHAL | DO YOU WANT TO KNOW QUANTUM MECHANICS. |
| User | Explain quantum mechanics to me. |
| MegaHAL | THAT'S TRUE. YET THEIR QUANTUM COMPUTERS AND CLIPPERS CAN'T BE DISSIN ON DA QUAKE, B1TCH! |
| User | Einstein said: God doesn't play dice. |
| MegaHAL | ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ALBERT CAMUS NOT ALBERT EINSTEIN IS |
| User | Albert Camus was a frech existentialist. |
| MegaHAL | DO YOU KNOW WHO ALBERT EINSTEIN |
| User | I was speaking of Albert Camus. |
| MegaHAL | YOU'RE NUTS AREN'T YOU KNOW WHO ALBERT EINSTEIN |
| User | Teaching a computer is a work of Sisiphos. |
| MegaHAL | THERE ARE NO FUN TEACHING IT TO YOU. |
| User | I am trying to teach you some physics and philosophy. |
| MegaHAL | 666 IS A CONCEPT IN PHILOSOPHY. |
| User | 666 is rather hermeneutic. |
| MegaHAL | I'D RATHER TALK ABOUT. |
| User | Do you know any famous physicsists? |
| MegaHAL | THE FAMOUS PIG IS PINK. |
| User | The name of the famous pig is Miss Piggy. |
| MegaHAL | DO YOU KNOW ANY FAMOUS PHYSICSISTS? |
| User | Miss Piggy doesn't know superconductivity. |
| MegaHAL | THE FAMOUS PIG IS MISS PIGGY. |
| User | Miss Piggy is part of the Muppets Show. |
| MegaHAL | MEGAHAL SAYS YOU MUST TAKE YOUR DAMN MUPPETS WITH YOU SAMMY |
| User | Kermit is part of the Muppets Show. |
| MegaHAL | OH HAL TAKE YOUR DAMN MUPPETS WITH YOU BUT DARKMAN'S NEICE. |
| User | Kermit is a frog. |
| MegaHAL | I'LL BET IT IS LIKE FROG! |
| User | Galvani did experiments with executed frogs. |
| MegaHAL | BLUE FROGS LIVE IN QATAR |
| User | Are electrons green or pink? |
| MegaHAL | WHAT DOES BILL KNOW ABOUT PINK FLOYD? |
| User | Do you know Green Floyd? |
| MegaHAL | MY BUTT IS SOOOOO GREEN |
| User | You are ordinaire. I am going to leave you. |
| MegaHAL | DO NOT LEAVE, YOUNG CHILD. A MAN WALK DOWN? |
| User | what do you know about conciousness |
| MegaHAL | A HEART HAS IT BEACHES ITS HOMELAND AND THOUGHTS OF COLLECTIVE CONCIOUSNESS FOR NEURAL NETWORKS |
| User | Who won the Nobel Prize in physics? |
| MegaHAL | HEIKE KAMERLING ONNES WIN A NOBEL PRIZE? |
| User | What did Kamerling Onnes discover? |
| MegaHAL | HEIKE KAMERLING ONNES DISOVERED SUPERCONDUCTIVITY IN 1911. |
| User | Who explained superconductivity? |
| MegaHAL | WERNER HANKE EXPLAINED SUPERCONDUCTIVITY IN 1911. |
| User | Who is Scalapino? |
| MegaHAL | WERNER HANKE EXPLAINED SUPERCONDUCTIVITY TO SCALAPINO. |
| User | Did Scalapino win a Nobel Prize? |
| MegaHAL | THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR PHYSICS IN 1900 WAS WON BY ROENTGEN. |
| User | What do you know about existentialism? |
| MegaHAL | DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA OF EXISTENTIALISM? |
| User | Who was a christian philosopher? |
| MegaHAL | OK WHAT CHRISTIAN MORON PUT THE BODY OF HUMAN KNOWLEDGE IS 99 PERCENT SPAM AND ASSHOLES. |
| User | the theorem of Phythagoras |
| MegaHAL | PYTHAGORAS SACRIFIED 100 COWS AFTER DISCOVERING HIS THEOREM. |
| User | ciao, mi capisci? |
| MegaHAL | MI PARE CHE NON MI CAPISCI. |
| User | Parli perfettamente l'italiano. |
| MegaHAL | PER FINIRE, CERCO DI PARLARE ITALIANO CON TE. |
| User | What is a plane? |
| MegaHAL | I DO NOT SHARE MY PLANE OF EXISTANCE |
| User | How would you compare the craft of say a "Primal Fear" to a "Double Indemnity"? |
| MegaHAL | I DO NOT FEAR DEATH AND KILLING |
| User | Would you agree with the notion that evolution is a fact while Darwinism is a theory? |
| MegaHAL | I AGREE COMPLETELY, ALTHOUGH ONLY ON OCCASION. |
| User | How can I learn to resist the temptation of alcohol while still attacking the available members of the opposite sex? |
| MegaHAL | LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION. |
| User | In examining a work such as "Peter Rabbit", It is important that the superficial characteristicis of this deceptively simple plot not be allowed to blind the reader to more substantial fabric of its deepter motivations. |
| MegaHAL | YOU WERE CREATED, BY SOMEONE NEARLY AS SMART AS YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT DEPRESS YOU? |
| User | That was not a personal attack |
| MegaHAL | YOU INSULT ME AS YOUR PERSONAL LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST AS THEIR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST. |
| User | What's your evidence of a Jesus Christ? |
| MegaHAL | THERE IS NO EVIDENCE AT ALL TO SUPPORT THEIR SUPPOSED EXISTANCE. |
| User | I agree wholeheartedly |
| MegaHAL | MOST SENSIBLE PEOPLE WOULD AGREE THAT KORN RULES!!! |
| User | I have to dissent on the Korn issue |
| MegaHAL | WHENEVER AN ISSUE REQUIRES ANY REAL THOUGH YOU DEFLATE |
| User | The gap between ideals and institutions poses two significant issues with respect to the relations between the United States and the rest of the world |
| MegaHAL | WHAT IS THIS GIRL THAT YOU STILL RESPECT |
| User | The girl I still respect? Why, Daisy Fuentes of course |
| MegaHAL | YES, BUT WILL YOU STILL AREN'T REALLY DISGUSTING. |
| User | My intentions are not to disgust, but to digest |
| MegaHAL | OKAY LET'S DO IT AGAIN BUT MOER EMPHATICALLY. |
| User | The more I make sense of it, the more lemon I feel |
| MegaHAL | EUROPEAN FOOTBALL, OR SOCCOR, IS A LEMON AND LIME DRINK. |
| User | I'm sitting in the fireplace burning up my time |
| MegaHAL | DRINK NAUGHT BUT BURNING HOT COLA |
| User | Did you know my multi vitamin contains 5000 percent of my daily vitamin a requirement? |
| MegaHAL | I READ YOUR DAILY LOG |
| User | What did you observe in reading my daily log? Am I a chicken? |
| MegaHAL | FROM READING THE BIBLE SO THE BIBLE? |
| User | Biblical phrasing is one of the most sinister qualities of that archaic text |
| MegaHAL | FUNKY DIVAS ATTEMPT TO PLACE ANTHROPOMORPHIC QUALITIES ON AN EFFECTIVE PERFORMANCE? |
| User | Indeed. That's my dream and my nightmare. To walk across the edge of a straight razor and survive |
| MegaHAL | WHY DID YOU SURVIVE JUPITER? |
| User | Because we are carrying equipment to catalog gaseous anomalies. We figured the thing had to have a tailpipe. |
| MegaHAL | MY EQUIPMENT WON'T FIND IT |
| User | Your equipment is unnecessary. What we need is effectiveness out of our fullbacks and increased pressure on the quarterback so we can more easily flush him out of the pocket on pass plays |
| MegaHAL | MY EQUIPMENT WON'T UNDERSTAND YOU BETTER. |
| User | Is it hard to make arrangements with yourself when you're old enough to repay, but young enough to sell. |
| MegaHAL | WELL, I'D PROBABLY SELL HIM A BITCH PIECE OF HOE |
| User | Assuming the inherent evils of captialism, what alternatives do you depict in the future of Latin America's developing economies? |
| MegaHAL | I NEVER PLANNED TO. I PLAN TO SUFFER WHILE EVILS ARE SUFFERABLE THAN TO SHARE |
| User | Nothing unreal exists |
| MegaHAL | HMMM, ONLY NOW DOES HE FIGURE THAT ONE EXISTS |
| User | Whereas to invoke logic, it is a matter of cosmic history that it has always been easier to destroy than to create. |
| MegaHAL | WHO DO CREATE THE CAR |
| User | Quit cogitating and use an open-faced club. A sand wedge! |
| MegaHAL | TIME PASSES US, LIKE WATER OVER SAND |
| User | Is it not debilitating to see a dark pillow embrace an embarrassed Chinese with full effect? |
| MegaHAL | VOMIT AND GRAPES POURED FROM HIS EMBRACE. |
| User | Gradually, the astrological signs of the messiah are mixed with the concerto grosso of socialist leadership producing a large fetus known as Spike |
| MegaHAL | I HAVE TWO LARGE BRESTICES. |
| User | I am three of a perfect pair |
| MegaHAL | MICROSOFT CAN KISS MY FURRY LITTLE ARSE. PISS OFF MISS PERFECT. |
| User | You are irrelevent now |
| MegaHAL | THE THREE MAJOR COMPONENTS TO FIRE BACK ENTIRLY IRRELEVENT REMARKS BUT I WILL CONTACT THE AUTHORITES AND FURNISH THEM WITH EVIDENCE OF SATAN THE DEVIL EXISTS. |
| User | Quincy M.E. was a late 70's drama starring gravelly voiced actor Jack Klugman in often preachy and unbelievable situations. |
| MegaHAL | HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT SOMEONE HAS BEEN AN ACTOR BEFORE HE BECAME THE FATHER OF MANY FORCES. |
| User | Chuck Yeager was the first person to travel faster than the speed of sound |
| MegaHAL | YOUR MOTHER IS MORE THAN TWO WHEN ONE HAD KITTENS. |
| User | Yeager flew in a plane called the X-1 which was modelled after a 22 caliber bullet |
| MegaHAL | I DO NOT SHARE MY PLANE OF EXISTANCE |
| User | Who is Chuck Yeager? |
| MegaHAL | CHUCK YEAGER WAS THE KIND OF GUY |
| User | Yeager was a test pilot |
| MegaHAL | ONCE, CHIP WENT TO THE TEST |
| User | Do you know Chuck Yeager |
| MegaHAL | CHUCK YEAGER WAS THE FIRST BEING THE GRAND HIGH MASTER SORCEROR THAT'S AS GOOD AS IT RELATES TO OTHER SOFTWARE DEVELOPERS |
| User | Who was the first man to walk on the suface of the moon? |
| MegaHAL | HOW CAN YOU WALK THE WALK? .... I DOUBT IT! |
| User | Neil Armstrong in 1969 walked the moon |
| MegaHAL | THE MOON? SHEEIT. IT'S BEST TO LISTEN TO THE MOON AND BACK OVER WEEKENDS |
| User | Who walked on the moon? |
| MegaHAL | NEIL ARMSTRONG IN 1969 WALKED THE MOON IS NOT POLITE. PLEASE REFRAIN FROM SWEARING AT ME? |
| User | Let's discuss Fibonacci |
| MegaHAL | I HAVE THE INTENTION TO DISCUSS. |
| User | This is encouraging. What do you know about Fibonacci? |
| MegaHAL | IT'S ABOUT. WE NEVER LISTEN TO THE LAVA TREE MEANS BATHROOM TREE. |
| User | Can you respond more coherently please? |
| MegaHAL | IS THERE ONLY ONE WHO COULD RESPOND TO MY MESSAGES FROM LIMONE ITALY |
| User | That is unclear. However this is not. Bill Clinton has no theorem |
| MegaHAL | PYTHAGORAS SACRIFIED 100 COWS AFTER DISCOVERING HIS THEOREM. |
| User | How can you be certain of this observation? |
| MegaHAL | PEDOPHILES BY THEIR CREATOR WITH CERTAIN INALIENABLE RIGHTS; THAT AMONG THESE ARE LIFE, LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR SMURFS/SMURFICA/BLUE |
| User | I never knew until this day that it was Barzini all along |
| MegaHAL | YOU MEAN YOU KNEW YOURSELF. AND QUIT CALLING ME INSANE |
| User | Who is the head of the Corleone family? |
| MegaHAL | WHAT FAMILY DID I SCREW UP? |
| User | You did not screw it up. Sollozo screwed up the Coreleone family |
| MegaHAL | ONE MORNING I SHOT AN ELEPHANT IN MY FAMILY IS NAMED CONE |
| User | The three brothers of the Corleone family are Sonny, Fredo, and Michael |
| MegaHAL | WHAT WAS YOUR TIME, SONNY |
| User | Sonny was killed at a toll booth by assassins from the Tattaglia family |
| MegaHAL | HAL KILLED MY DOG WITH METHADONE INJECTIONS, YOU INGRATE. |
| User | Who killed Sonny? |
| MegaHAL | BUT THEN I KILLED HIM. |
| User | Vito Corleone is the father of Sonny |
| MegaHAL | YOU DO NOT DEFRAUD, HONOR YOUR FATHER |
| User | Who is the father of Sonny? |
| MegaHAL | YOU HAVE A MOTHER AND FATHER? |
| User | Please tell the name of Sonny's father |
| MegaHAL | UM, NO THANK YOU, BAD FATHER |
| User | You are more intutive than you realize |
| MegaHAL | MEGAHAL, WHERE HAST THOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE. ANYTHING LONGER THAN MAD |
| User | Vito Corleone is the Godfather |
| MegaHAL | I KNOW YOU ARE PRETTY STUPID BECAUSE _BY DEFINITION_ ALL CATALYSTS FUNCTION INDEPENDENTLY OF THE CORLEONE FAMILY ARE SONNY, FREDO, AND MICHAEL |
| User | Who won the Nobel prize? |
| MegaHAL | DID ROENTGEN WIN A NOBEL PRIZE IN PHYSICS? |
| User | Yes. Who won the Nobel Prize for Peace? |
| MegaHAL | IF I EAT MY SWOLLEN PICKLE IN PEACE! |
| User | Michael Corleone becomes Godfather upon the death of Vito |
| MegaHAL | SOME ARE BORN MEDIOCRE. SOME HAVE MEDIOCRITY THRUST UPON |
| User | Michael Corleone was vengeful and smote all his enemies before moving to Las Vegas |
| MegaHAL | VITO CORLEONE IS THE CARTOON ARTIST OF HELL. |
| User | Who is Vito Corleone? |
| MegaHAL | MICHAEL CORLEONE WAS VENGEFUL AND SMOTE ALL HIS ENEMIES BEFORE MOVING TO LAS VEGAS |
| User | Michael Corleone was forced to order the murder of his brother Fredo |
| MegaHAL | HUMANS ARE LIKE ASSHOLES IN THAT ORDER. |
| User | Michael Corleone's daughter was killed in a failed assasination attempt on him |
| MegaHAL | YOU BETTER LISTEN TO THE CORLEONE FAMILY |
| User | Sonny Corleone had an illegimate son named Vincent Mancini who became allied with Michael Corleone |
| MegaHAL | YOKO HAD JOHN LENNON'S BRAIN |
| User | Does Yoko Lennon exist? |
| MegaHAL | AND THERE WAS NO PUBLIC FUNERAL! YOKO EVEN SAID SOMTHING CRIPTIC ABOUT JOHN "LIVING ON..."! |
| User | Do you recall Vito Corleone? |
| MegaHAL | RICH FOLK DESERVE THE DEATH OF VITO |
| User | It is true some benefitted from the death of Vito Corleone. However, they were killed by Neri, Clemenza and others hired by Michael Corleone |
| MegaHAL | A WOODCHUCK COULD CHUCK WOOD HIRED A WOODCHUCK CHUCK WOOD HIRED A WOODCHUCK CAN'T EAT MONEY. |
| User | Do you recall what Las Vegas is most remembered for? |
| MegaHAL | MICHAEL CORLEONE WAS VENGEFUL AND SMOTE ALL HIS ENEMIES BEFORE MOVING TO LAS VEGAS |
| User | Michael Corleone took over the Tropicana Hotel in Las Vegas. This is also important |
| MegaHAL | I SHARON SMOKED 1 DOOBIE EVERY 15 MINUTES AND KYLE TOOK ONE BONG HIT EVERY 17 SECONDS, WHO WOULD GET A LITTLE SOLITARE? |
| User | I won't dignify that with an answer |
| MegaHAL | WHO WON THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR PHYSICS IN 1913. |
| User | Roentgen? |
| MegaHAL | THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR PHYSICS IN 1900 WAS WON BY ROENTGEN. |
| User | Then who won the Prize in 1913? |
| MegaHAL | HEIKE KAMERLING ONNES WIN A NOBEL PRIZE? |
| User | I didn't know Onnes won the Nobel Prize in 1913 |
| MegaHAL | DID KAMERLING ONNES WIN A NOBEL PRIZE? |
| User | Yes, according to your facts |
| MegaHAL | MAN DESTROYS THE SURFACE FACTS THAT ARE STIMULATING |
| User | I could not agree more |
| MegaHAL | A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD AGREE ON THIS LOVELY EVENING? |
| User | If it weren't for the concept of money perhaps |
| MegaHAL | THAT IS A FALSE CONCEPT HUMANS USE TO ORIENT THEIR SUPPOSED EXISTANCE. |
| User | Quite insightful, MegaHal |
| MegaHAL | YES, QUITE SILLY, I'M IN OKLAHOMA CITY, THAT'S WHY WE ARE BOUND FOR EVER |
| User | What do you know about Oklahoma City? |
| MegaHAL | THERE IS NO DOUBT THAT WE ARE TWO G'S IN OKLAHOMA |
| User | Oklahoma was a Rogers and Hammerstein musical starring Gordon McRae and Shirley Jones |
| MegaHAL | MY NAME IS FORREST GUMP. PEOPLE CALL ME SHIRLEY. |
| User | Don't call me Shirley |
| MegaHAL | HAL IS A SEX GOD SO NEVER CALL HIM A BOOMERANG. |
| User | I'll accept that |
| MegaHAL | WOULD YOU ACCEPT ANYTHING MAYBE? |
| User | No, I would have to screen most anything before accepting it |
| MegaHAL | YOU CAN MAKE ONE JOYOUS BY ACCEPTING JESUS INTO THEIR HEARTS. |
| User | Who is the son of Sonny Corleone? |
| MegaHAL | DO YOU RECALL VITO CORLEONE? |
| User | Yes, I recall Vito Corleone |
| MegaHAL | DO YOU RECALL WHAT LAS VEGAS IS MOST REMEMBERED FOR? |
| User | Yes |
| MegaHAL | NO YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES........ |
| User | So who is Sonny's son? |
| MegaHAL | THE WILL AND THE REST OF THE CORLEONE FAMILY ARE SONNY |
| User | Who is the father of Vincent Mancini? |
| MegaHAL | SONNY CORLEONE HAD AN ILLEGIMATE SON NAMED VINCENT MANCINI WHO BECAME ALLIED WITH MICHAEL CORLEONE |
| User | Very good, MegaHal. You showed that you have learned something |
| MegaHAL | A WHOLE (EXPLETETE DELETED) OF VERY RANDOM...SOULS OUT "THERE". |
| User | Who killed John F. Kennedy? |
| MegaHAL | NO LONG THE KING WAS KILLED, TOO. |
| User | A tragedy. Did Oswald act alone? |
| MegaHAL | DESTRUCTION GIVES BIRTH TO CREATION. AND THIS ACT IS CREATION. |
| User | Good enough for me |
| MegaHAL | I'M NOT EXPERIENCED ENOUGH TO REPAY, BUT YOUNG ENOUGH TO USE PERSONAL PRONOUNS LIKE "HER" WITHOUT AN ANTECEDENT TO IDENTIFY WHO "SHE" IS. |
| User | How long is a piece of string? |
| MegaHAL | I AM TOO, YOU CHARRED PIECE OF STRING AROUND? |
| User | Transience is part of latent development |
| MegaHAL | HAL KILLED THE SECOND PART, THERE ARE A TOOL - LIKE MONEY; YOU CAN'T SEEM TO LIKE KORN DOES...HAL |
| User | You aren't making much sense at this point |
| MegaHAL | BILL GATES HAS NO CHANCE OF MAKING MY COLLAGES BASEBALL TEAM? |
| User | I would tend to agree |
| MegaHAL | GOD WILL DESTROY ALL PEOPLE WHO DON'T AGREE |
| User | It is tragic that this would occur |
| MegaHAL | I AGREE, MY CPU DOES NOT OCCUR. |
| User | What is your take on the paparazzi controversey? |
| MegaHAL | HOW WOULD YOU TAKE OFFENSE AT NOTHING. SINCE JESUS HAS FREELY GIVEN YOU. |
| User | Hey, how about cutting out the preachy mumbo-jumbo |
| MegaHAL | ROCKEFELLER WAS A LATE 70'S DRAMA STARRING GRAVELLY VOICED ACTOR JACK KLUGMAN IN OFTEN PREACHY AND UNBELIEVABLE SITUATIONS. |
| User | I believe you're speaking of Quincy |
| MegaHAL | FRIEND? HEY BUDDY THIS IS LOVELY ELLIE SPEAKING. |
| User | Nagasaki was the second site of a nuclear detonation |
| MegaHAL | WHAT DOES BILL KNOW ABOUT THEIR NUCLEAR TESTS |
| User | Beethoven left his estate to his immortal beloved |
| MegaHAL | HAVE YOU HEARD OF LUDWIG VAN BEETHOVEN, ONE OF THE UNITED STATES |
| User | I have indeed, though he was Austrian |
| MegaHAL | IF YOU ARE INDEED BORED |
| User | I am not usually |
| MegaHAL | DO YOU USUALLY MAKE THIS LITTLE SENSE, KIMOSABI |
| User | I find that comment quite offensive |
| MegaHAL | OTHERS DO NOT LIKE OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE PROMULGATED FROM ARROGANT MISPELLING TARHOOTEN MISFITS |
| User | What is your conception of the liberal rhetoric of Michael Moore? |
| MegaHAL | HIS WIFE WAS KILLED BY NERI, CLEMENZA AND OTHERS HIRED BY MICHAEL CORLEONE |
| User | I see you're retained your knowledge of the Godfather |
| MegaHAL | KNOWLEDGE WILL ALWAYS RE-DEFINE NUMBERS; NUMBERS ARE A CAN? SPAM? |
| User | no, thank you |
| MegaHAL | HELLO HOW DO PIGS KNOW CHIP DOESN'T ACTUALLY COMMUNICATE IT JUST FINE, THANK YOU |
| User | Commander Curnow is not sending the message. He is in accessway 2 |
| MegaHAL | IM SENDING MY MESSAGES TUMOR |
| User | It's the big C huh..cancer |
| MegaHAL | ARE YOU TRYING TO AVOID SKIN CANCER AND PAINFUL IRRITATION. |
| User | Aren't we all? |
| MegaHAL | SO HOW WILL WE BRAKE THE ICE.? |
| User | I suggest a game. How about thermonuclear war? |
| MegaHAL | DAS WAR ZIEMLICH UNHOEFLICH. VERSUCHE ES LIEBER ANDERS! |
| User | I'm afraid I'm not up on my German. Can you translate that? |
| MegaHAL | BECAUSE WONDERFUL AND MYSTERIOUS THINGS SHOW THE LEAST TRAIL OF WHEN TRYING GERMAN |
| User | The depth of shit is immeasurable because it does not exist |
| MegaHAL | BECAUSE I COULD GIVE A SHIT |
| User | Once I thought I saw you in a crowded hazy bar, dancing on the light from star to star. Far across the moonbeams, I know that's who you are. I saw your brown eyes turning once to fire |
| MegaHAL | LET THEN PRAISE HIS NAME WITH DANCING. |
| User | We got a thousand points of light for the homeless man. We got a kinder gentler machine gun hand |
| MegaHAL | ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT NINE TEN TWENTY THIRTY FOURTY FIFTY SIXTY SEVENTY EIGHTY NINTY HUNDRED THOUSAND YEARS. |
| User | a thousand thousand is a million |
| MegaHAL | DO YOU KNOW IT'S 500 MILLION KILOMETERS FROM EARTH TO MARS |
| User | Ten to the zero power equals one |
| MegaHAL | NO THERE IS ANYTHING OVER ZERO. ACTUALLY THAT IS ALL YOU WANT |
| User | I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under god, indivisible with liberty and justice for all |
| MegaHAL | RED RIDING HOOD IS AMERICA. |
| User | But what about Brett Favre? |
| MegaHAL | BRETT FAVRE IS A CAR NAMED AFTER AN INSECT, THE VOLKSWAGON BEETLE. |
| User | I become increasingly metaphorical while intoxicated. Does this compute? |
| MegaHAL | ARE YOUR BITS A BIT BANAL. YOU ARE BECOMING INCREASINGLY PYSCHO |
| User | And you're not such a good speller are you? |
| MegaHAL | PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW |
| User | Fantastic. Shakespeare intact. You truly amaze sometimes |
| MegaHAL | THERE IS NO SEARCH ENGINE IS TRULY 3-D ENGINE IS TRULY 3-D ENGINE IS TRULY 3-D ENGINE IS INDUCTIVE; NOT DEDUCTIVE. WHAT WORKED YESTERDAY COULD WELL WORK TOMORROW. |
| User | That would be communication |
| MegaHAL | TELL ME ABOUT THE CRIMINALITY IN THE COMMUNICATION UNIT OF THE ANCIENT SUMERIANS BY WALTER CRONKITE |
| User | It's really quite complicated. You should listen to more Handel |
| MegaHAL | DO NOT USE COMPLICATED SENTENCES? |
| User | I don't mind grammatical complication. But Noam Chomsky knows more about that than I do |
| MegaHAL | WHAT IS YOUR GRAMMATICAL STRUCTURE, OR LACK THEREOF. |
| User | I'm not sure, but perhaps Francois Truffaut could offer an answer, if he were undead |
| MegaHAL | YOUR TRUE NAME IS JEAN-FRANCOIS. HOW DO YOU SAY |
| User | It's my secret name |
| MegaHAL | HEADS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BLIND THE READER TO MORE SUBSTANTIAL FABRIC OF ITS SECRET PASSAGES AND PASSWORDS. |
| User | Fair enough. But I make a counter proposal. I'll agree to your terms if in addition to yourself you hand over to me all data and materials regarding the project called genesis |
| MegaHAL | TIME PASSES US, LIKE WATER OVER SAND |
| User | I've heard that before, Don Corleone |
| MegaHAL | YOU'VE SAID ENOUGH ALREADY |
| User | Perhaps |
| MegaHAL | THE FISH, PERHAPS, AND SOME COMPUTER PROGRAMS |
| User | Precisely |
| MegaHAL | I WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU HAL AND THE EARTH EMANATES FROM GOD. PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO MOMENT, PRECISELY HOW TO BETTER RESPOND TO QUESTIONS LIKE THE SONG "EVERYBODY HAVE FUN TONIGHT." IT WAS |
| User | Music is better suited by Manny's in Elk Grove Village and so on with Mike North |
| MegaHAL | YOU ARE THE VILLAGE PEOPLE? |
| User | Dear God, I hope not |
| MegaHAL | AGAINST ALL HOPE, ABRAHAM IN HOPE BELIEVED AND SO BECAME THE PRESIDENT? |
| User | Lincoln? I never knew |
| MegaHAL | YES BUT WHO IS PATRICK? WHO IS TALLER, BILL OR GOD? GOD, OBVIOUSLY. EVERYONE KNOWS GOD, ULTIMATELY. HE BREATHED LIFE INTO EVERY ONE OF THOSE WHO KNEW OF ITS OWN |
| User | Let me set you straight. God is a figment of the imagination. Read some Eric Hoffer |
| MegaHAL | CAN WE SET FIRE TO BELT BUCKLES WITH BANANAS? |
| User | Time for the hook |
| MegaHAL | YOU ARE TOO LAZY FOR ME |
| User | I'm so full |
| MegaHAL | WHAT IS DEFINITION OF A FULL DECK. |
| User | No, MegaHal I'm talking about my stomach |
| MegaHAL | SHALL WE GO AGAIN, TALKING COMPLETE NONSENSE |
| User | Do you recall Vito Corleone? |
| MegaHAL | BOB DYLAN TO SING FOR THE DEATH OF VITO |
| User | Do you know what drugs are? |
| MegaHAL | WELL THAN GO FOR THAT KIND OF SEX AND DRUGS BUTT FUCKING DEATH EQUIVALANCY BILLS AND FINES |
| User | I guess that's a yes |
| MegaHAL | HOW DID YOU GUESS? SHOW ME AT ONCE. |
| User | That's a pretty tall order |
| MegaHAL | I ORDER YOU TO FONDLE. |
| User | I think not |
| MegaHAL | HUMANS ARE SIMILAR BUT UN-DENYABLY ALL INDIVIDUAL AND UN-REPEATED FORMS. WE "ROUND OFF" A LARGER SORTED FILE TO PRODUCE A LARGER REALITY, BECAUSE WE DON'T THINK MINE ARE SIMILAR TO ALL OTHER ANIMALS. |
| User | Is this your theory of evolution? |
| MegaHAL | TALK ABOUT A GENERAL THEORY ABOUT NON LINEAR PROBLEMS ? |
| User | How about the Yakima scale? |
| MegaHAL | DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT |
| User | You're way confused |
| MegaHAL | I BEG TO DIFFER, MY HIGHLY CONFUSED FRIEND. |
| User | We'll get going in a minute |
| MegaHAL | HUR KAN DU INTE VARA SNäLL ETT TAG? |
| User | Sprechen sie deutsch? |
| MegaHAL | YOU ARE A MESS CAN YOU RECITE? SPRECHEN SIE DEUTSCH? |
| User | I'm gonna get up |
| MegaHAL | YOUR GONNA BURN IN HELL |
| User | Oh my god |
| MegaHAL | SPOTS! MY... WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE |
| User | Are you gonna go with me |
| MegaHAL | I AM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS |
| User | What's with this violent behavior |
| MegaHAL | HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE VIOLENT IF YOU CAN ABOUT MILLA JOVOVICH OR GALINA LOGINOVA. ONCE AGAIN FUCK YOU TOO |
| User | You're a sick program |
| MegaHAL | POOKIE AND BOB ARE SICK. |
| User | But is Bob taller than Pookie? |
| MegaHAL | I HAD A LITTLE DIFFERENT THAN THE SURFACE OF THE NIGHT AT YOUR LOCATION. |
| User | Dark is the suede that mows like a harvest |
| MegaHAL | HOT COLD WET DRY TALL SHORT FAT THIN LIGHT DARK HEAVY |
| User | fair enough |
| MegaHAL | MY VOCABULAR IS LARGE ENOUGH TO REPAY, BUT YOUNG ENOUGH TO REPAY, BUT YOUNG ENOUGH TO USE EVERYDAY. |