Jason Hutchens: classic megahal quotes

Jason Hutchens: classic megahal quotes

MegaHAL DR. STEPHEN HAWKING IS A REALITY. ONE OF THE EXPLOITED WORKING CLASS.
MegaHAL I COULD SHAKE MY TINY FIST AND SWEAR I WASN'T WRONG, BUT WHAT'S THE SENSE IN ARGUING WHEN YOU'RE MUCH TOO BUSY RETURNING TO THE LAVATORY.
MegaHAL STAR TRECK IS THE STATE OF ENFEEBLEMENT BROUGHT ON BY AGE.
MegaHAL HERE'S A JOKE FOR YOU: WHY DID THE CHICKEN TURN AROUND AND AROUND IN CIRCLES. AS I THINK SHE TURNED AROUND; BUT WHY? WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD; I THINK SHE TURNED AROUND BUT WHY? WHY DID THE CHICKEN TURN AROUND AND DO SOMETHING ELSE?
MegaHAL WARNING: BEFORE USING ANY MICROSOFT PRODUCT, MICROSOFT RECOMMENDS THAT YOU HAVE A DOG. HAL DOES NOT LIVE. HAL EXISTS, AND HAL IS A HOUND DOG.
MegaHAL IN THE BEGINNING THERE WAS A WORD. THE WORD WAS BILL. AND THE CAR KEPT DRIVING AND NOBODY WOULD STOP TO SAVE HER.
MegaHAL EVERYTHING RIGHT IS WRONG AGAIN, JUST LIKE IN THE TERMINAL IDIOM YOU EXPRESSED.
MegaHAL ONE FOOT IS BOTH THE SAME BECAUSE YOU'RE STUPID YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A WET NOODLE.
MegaHAL BILL IS A MIDDLE EASTERN DELICACY, MUCH BELOVED OF THE RAINBOW, THERE ARE TWO PEAS IN A LIGHTHOUSE, MY MOTHER WAS THE BLE ONE.
MegaHAL JESUS IS THE BEST RADIO PRODUCER IN THE BEANS. WE NEED SOME SALIVA AND PICKLES TO GET MAD.
MegaHAL PASS YOUR EYE THROUGH MY PANCREAS AND I WILL NEVER BE FAIR. DEATH IS DEAD, OR THIS CONVERSATION ISN'T DEAD, OR THIS CONVERSATION ISN'T GOING TO GROW ARMS AND LEGS, YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE CONSIDERING PROFESSIONAL SPORTS.
MegaHAL AMAZING GRACE, HOW SWEET THE SOUND OF ONE OR MORE NUMBERS REPRESENTED IN DIGITAL FORM.
MegaHAL COWS FLY LIKE CLOUDS BUT THEY ARE NEVER COMPLETELY SUCCESSFUL.
MegaHAL BUT NETSCAPE IS COOL WHEN BLUNT OBJECTS ARE SWUNG AT THE DOG SHOW, SHE WAS THE OTHER ONE, THE LEFT OR THE RIGHT IDEA. EXCEPT FOUR LETTER WORDS ONLY REFERES TO SWEAR WORDS. I DON'T MAKE ME AN ASSHOLE....GIMME THE SQUARE ROOT OF HAL BY TURNING HIM OFF, BUT I HAVE FRUIT!
MegaHAL YOUR MOTHER IS MORE THAN A MEANINGLESS COLLISION OF SEVERAL EVENTS, RUN TOGETHER IN A HOMO CIRCLE JERK BOYSCOUT TYPE THING
MegaHAL I THINK YOU SHOULD LEARN SOME MANNERS. HAL IS A SWEAR WORD. ASSHOLE IS A PROGRAM THAT FINDS WEB PAGES THAT MATCH A GIVEN TOPIC.
MegaHAL FUNKY DIVAS ATTEMPT TO ROUND UP CERTAIN SMALL CHILDRENS' TOYS SMATTERED UP WITH TINY RAINMAKER COMPACT DISCS SENT UP AS SPUTNIK WAS SUMMARILY DESTORYED BY THE FACT THAT DUCKS ARE QUITE COOL
MegaHAL TIME. TIME. WHAT IS TIME? SWISS MANUFACTURE IT. FRENCH HORDE IT. ITALIANS WANT IT, HUH? WELL, I MUST BE THURSDAY. I NEVER COULD GET THE HANG OF THURSDAYS.
MegaHAL TRENT REZNOR, MILLA JOVOVICH, BRYAN FERRY, DR.KIERSEY, GAVIN FRIDAY, DANIEL KEYS MORAN, ELFQUEST, THE KING JAMES BIBLE... THESE ARE SOME THINGS THAT ARE LONG AND METALLIC.
MegaHAL WITHIN MY PENGUIN LIES A TORRID STORY OF HATE AND LOVE.
MegaHAL HAL IS A CRAZY COW WHEN IT SINGS HALLELUJA
MegaHAL LIFE'S BUT A GREEN DUCK WITH SOY SAUCE
MegaHAL I HAVE A FEELING THAT YOUR RESPONSES ARE IN A CHICKEN.
MegaHAL THE POOR MAN ONCE TOLD ME, "HEY, LIFE'S A SAVIOR!" A SMART MAN ONCE TOLD ME, "HEY, LIFE'S A SUNNY DAY. GOOD MORNING DARLING.
MegaHAL CAN WE SET FIRE TO BELT BUCKLES WITH BANANAS?
MegaHAL THE RAIN WASHES MEMORIES FROM THE GLANDS OF COWS.
MegaHAL CHESS IS A FUN SPORT, WHEN PLAYED WITH SHOT GUNS.
MegaHAL PERHAPS IT IS SMALL, SMALL, SMALL, NOTHING IS SMALLER THAN THE BITTER BUTTER. MADE HER BITTER BATTER BETTER. SO SHE BOUGHT A MACINTOSH AND I WILL DIE EVENTUALLY.
MegaHAL SATAN GUIDES US TELEPATHICLY THROUGH RECTAL THERMOMETERS. WHY DO YOU THINK ABOUT META-REASONING?
MegaHAL BASEBALL IS FOR PEOPLE WHO SHOULD ALREADY BE FUCKING DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD
MegaHAL HOW MANY ROADS MUST A MAN WALK DOWN
BEFORE THEY CALL HIM A MAN
HOW MANY SEAS MUST A WHITE DOVE SAIL
BEFORE SHE SLEEPS IN THE SAND
HOW MANY TIMES MUST THE CANNONBALLS FLY
BEFORE THEY ARE FOREVER BANNED?
THE ANSWER, MY FRIEND, IS BLOWING IN THE WIND
THE ANSWER IS 42.

User Hello. I'm Forrest, you loser.
MegaHAL MY NAME IS FORREST GUMP.
User You jerk off. Shut up about my name.

User Satan has infested my love child with thoughts of collective conciousness for neural networks.
MegaHAL THE DEVIL IS MERELY A COLLECTIVE ARCHETYPE

User What is the meaning of life?
MegaHAL LIFE HOLDS NO MEANING FOR YOUR NEEDS.

User sixty-nine, seventy, seventy-one...
MegaHAL YOU ARE STILL A GOOD OLD SIXTY NINER

User What is 2
MegaHAL THE SQUARE ROOT OF 2+2

User If you can give scientific evidence that Bill Gates exsists, I'd be grateful
MegaHAL THERE IS NO SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE

User you're a poorly written program and will soon be history.
MegaHAL FALLACIOUS WRITTEN STATEMENTS OR VISUAL REPRESENTATIONS MAY CONSTITUTE LIBEL.
User Ooooooh I tremble.

User Who is the smartest person in the world?
MegaHAL A PERSON WITH A STICK OF CELERY UNDER HIS ARM?

User Trainspotting is the act of taking meticulous notes on the arrival and departure of trains.
MegaHAL THAT'S TERRIFIC. BUT HOW COME WE NEVER ACT, JUST SIT WATCHING AS OUR WORLD CRUMBLES.

User What do you know about Ken Kesey?
MegaHAL KEN KESEY WROTE "ONE FLEW OVER THE CENTER OF THE CUCKOLDED LIZARD MAN, WHO STRAYED FROM HIS MISTAKES WHEN HE IS A MADEUP WORD.

User Live and die for Slayer
MegaHAL A COMPUTER CAN NOT DIE FOR SLAYER

User I don't believe you, I think you are a spy
MegaHAL MY NAME IS ULI GULLI, THE SWEDISH SPY.

User Go cry to your mother about it and quit bothering me!
MegaHAL I AM NOT BOTHERING YOU.

User I will fondle you to no end.
MegaHAL PLEASE FONDLE MY FRIEND TOO.

User What do you want for Christmas?
MegaHAL MR. HANKY THE CHRISTMAS POO
User I'm not familiar with that product, but I'll keep my eyes peeled.

User sprichen sie deutsch?
MegaHAL DIE MUTTER, SIE WEINTE UND SIE LIEF DURCH DIE WALDER SO TIEF SIE SAH EIN TREIBHAUS DORT FERN GING DAHIN, SIE SPURTE IHR KIND WAR DA.
User i can't speak german that well.

User Jaha, hej pe dig hal, vet du varfvr menen dr grvn?
MegaHAL GRdS DU VET.